Saturday, 4 December 2010
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
The Reality of Vegetarian Food
in my case means that no matter what you start out cooking - the end result is almost always the same. However, I have to report that I am gradually and doggedly perservering with the accumulation of "dishes" that are fit to eat, nutrious and vaguely capable of being repeated on a consistant level.
There is one sort of by-product effect from being a veggie household that I hadnt considered before .. which is after a while preparing and cooking the food becomes less of a hassle than in the meat eating days. Veggies take only minutes to prepare and cook - there are no longer carcasses hanging around hideously in the fridge waiting for inspiration. The downside is the lack of the unbelievably comforting "chicken soup" but I am now entering my veggie soup phase since it is so cold that the Rayburn is being pressed into daily service.Jacket potatoes and thick vegetable stews are now calling. I will soldier on.
There is one sort of by-product effect from being a veggie household that I hadnt considered before .. which is after a while preparing and cooking the food becomes less of a hassle than in the meat eating days. Veggies take only minutes to prepare and cook - there are no longer carcasses hanging around hideously in the fridge waiting for inspiration. The downside is the lack of the unbelievably comforting "chicken soup" but I am now entering my veggie soup phase since it is so cold that the Rayburn is being pressed into daily service.Jacket potatoes and thick vegetable stews are now calling. I will soldier on.
I've Gotta Get Out of This Place.......
It's not that I hate it - living in a smallhamlet (village ) in rural lincolnshire is fine by me - life goes on quite routinely - try as I might I cannot get organised and make my life flow any more smoothly - I will always be playing catch-up, trying to just lurch from one must do thing to another. The fixed points on the compass of the day, walk the dog, feed the cat, kids to school, kids to football, kids to everywhere... cook, clean sleep.... these are the coat hooks around which I stumble - like a person with no musical talent or experience trying to hit the key notes in a jazz jam. I dont want to look back however and wonder what the hell I was doing for all these years!
My best friend is currently in the Amazon beating off mossies and sticky heat and men that want to buy her two gorgeous daughters ..... is this why I am experiencing an overwhelming load of frustration and uselessness? Everyday I think "this will be the day that I make a difference to my life" - and yet and yet.......
Nostalgia is my enemy... I need to feel better and I need to stop whinging. Sorry. I will attempt to slap myself around the head for a bit and come back out fighting......
My best friend is currently in the Amazon beating off mossies and sticky heat and men that want to buy her two gorgeous daughters ..... is this why I am experiencing an overwhelming load of frustration and uselessness? Everyday I think "this will be the day that I make a difference to my life" - and yet and yet.......
Nostalgia is my enemy... I need to feel better and I need to stop whinging. Sorry. I will attempt to slap myself around the head for a bit and come back out fighting......
Monday, 18 October 2010
Being a Rubbish Mum (Part 3)
It's not that I had any great expectations of being an un-rubbish mum or anything - so you know, I haven't fallen from a great height to where I wallow now.... I do sort of try. I make food that is usually fit for general consumption, I wash clothes and sometimes even iron them, I help with homework and try and facilitate activities for the growing boys in my charge. So, wherein does my inadequacy lie? Why cant I just resign myself to the fact that everything I do must be for these little characters that I have created? Why would I be surprised that I have to get up early every day even on saturday and sunday to get them to their various social and educational appointments? Why would I even slightly sigh when I spend every minute either scratching a few pounds together for the family pot or ferrying the sweet darlings around to their clubs and friends and shopping whims? Why?
Actually, when I put it like that I feel even more shabby. They are only kids after all. What else am I supposed to do with them? I attempt to teach them self reliance and self determination only to end up with the even more depressing conclusion that I am more inadequate than I thought in the first place. How come other people seem to have this side of things nailed? I can only imagine that the "supermums" have access to some secret formula that they are not letting me have.
On a more positive note - when I am not shattered with self loathing, frustration and defeat I have to admit that they make me laugh a lot of the time. Children living in the moment are quite entertaining to me. I am not going to win any prizes that's for sure but hey, I'm trying here.....
Actually, when I put it like that I feel even more shabby. They are only kids after all. What else am I supposed to do with them? I attempt to teach them self reliance and self determination only to end up with the even more depressing conclusion that I am more inadequate than I thought in the first place. How come other people seem to have this side of things nailed? I can only imagine that the "supermums" have access to some secret formula that they are not letting me have.
On a more positive note - when I am not shattered with self loathing, frustration and defeat I have to admit that they make me laugh a lot of the time. Children living in the moment are quite entertaining to me. I am not going to win any prizes that's for sure but hey, I'm trying here.....
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
my new favourite thing to eat....
...Had this on recent globe-trot to Scar-badous...
Just a small ciabatta sliced lengthways, lightly toasted, buttered, topped with mozzerella, brie, cheddar and black olives. back under grill. served with fresh basil (isnt everything?) and good tomatoes..
.. apart from that life goes on in a more or less orderly (some might say tediously repetitive) fash. Both smaller spawn have now grown longer legs and have crawled out of the Primary Pool and now catch the "school bus" into compulsory homogenisation. There they will no doubt learn to erase any trace of individuality and spark in order to fit into the required box.
Does this now free their time stifled and creatively dry mother to tentatively enter into the real world of thrusting cutting edgeiness and entrepreneurial scatterbombing? Should we ready ourselves for a late but amazing burst of autumnal colour full of ideas, plans, schemes and fiendishly clever yet simple proposals for reinventing her life as we know it?
Well, I believe we all know the answer to that one n'est pas?
Oh I have just seen a nice flat rock I think I could get under.....
Just a small ciabatta sliced lengthways, lightly toasted, buttered, topped with mozzerella, brie, cheddar and black olives. back under grill. served with fresh basil (isnt everything?) and good tomatoes..
.. apart from that life goes on in a more or less orderly (some might say tediously repetitive) fash. Both smaller spawn have now grown longer legs and have crawled out of the Primary Pool and now catch the "school bus" into compulsory homogenisation. There they will no doubt learn to erase any trace of individuality and spark in order to fit into the required box.
Does this now free their time stifled and creatively dry mother to tentatively enter into the real world of thrusting cutting edgeiness and entrepreneurial scatterbombing? Should we ready ourselves for a late but amazing burst of autumnal colour full of ideas, plans, schemes and fiendishly clever yet simple proposals for reinventing her life as we know it?
Well, I believe we all know the answer to that one n'est pas?
Oh I have just seen a nice flat rock I think I could get under.....
Saturday, 11 September 2010
In Which She attends a Village Meeting.....
Well, I say "Meeting" - I think it was more of a beasting actually - however at one point in the fishwifemongery there was much made of possible Vandalism in the village should some proposed allotment of allotments go ahead... At this point I decided to add my pennethworth and say that I had lived for a number of years in The Village and did not think the kids were in any way vandals and that they respected others property etc.
Eldery Parish Councillor chose this moment to come in to the meeting to loudly ask why my children were on the roof of the school shooting each other with AK47 Water Blasters..... Sigh (I'll get my coat).
Eldery Parish Councillor chose this moment to come in to the meeting to loudly ask why my children were on the roof of the school shooting each other with AK47 Water Blasters..... Sigh (I'll get my coat).
Oh Pur-Lease - What Am I? Mrs. Beaton?????
I have produced nearly 100 (only very slight exaggeration if at all) pots of JAM - What am I like Ladies and Gents????
Neighbours gave me DAMSONS (in Distress) - local Kwikee Mart had bags of shug for only 65 pence! I made jam. Thusly:
Picked through the mountain of damsons and chucked out any suspect fruit.
washed and squashed the stones out of each fruit. (tedious but strangely soothing activity)
weighed the fruit (discovered it was nearly a stone!)
boiled up fruit in HUGE (you have to see it!) witches Cauldron. Stirring so it doesnt burn.
added the same amount of sugar as the weighed fruit (actually couldnt bring myself to add that much sugar so my first batch was more of a Plum Sauce... subsequent batches however got the full amount)
Kept stirring (well inbetween washing and sterilising jam jars - 6 at a time in the microwave for about 4 mins)
Remembered to keep the jam jars warm....
When the jam came to a "Rolling Boil" I put a spoonful on a saucer and stuck it in the freezer for a couple of mins. - Jam is ready when this test (I had to do several) kind of wrinkles when you gently press it forward with your little finger.
Remembered (was reminded by sister) that Great Nan used to put tiny bit of butter on the top of the jam in the pan which sent all the scummy froth over to the sides where you can easily skim it off. Decided Great Nan would have used a drop of olive oil for this if she had had any - so did. It worked - the jam cleared.
By now I suppose it had been boiling for about 10 or 15 mins. Decided it was done. Ladled it into my warm jam jars and sealed it. - Also remembered to wipe off the sticky drips while they were still warm.
And that, ladies and gents, was that. Now who wants some!
Neighbours gave me DAMSONS (in Distress) - local Kwikee Mart had bags of shug for only 65 pence! I made jam. Thusly:
Picked through the mountain of damsons and chucked out any suspect fruit.
washed and squashed the stones out of each fruit. (tedious but strangely soothing activity)
weighed the fruit (discovered it was nearly a stone!)
boiled up fruit in HUGE (you have to see it!) witches Cauldron. Stirring so it doesnt burn.
added the same amount of sugar as the weighed fruit (actually couldnt bring myself to add that much sugar so my first batch was more of a Plum Sauce... subsequent batches however got the full amount)
Kept stirring (well inbetween washing and sterilising jam jars - 6 at a time in the microwave for about 4 mins)
Remembered to keep the jam jars warm....
When the jam came to a "Rolling Boil" I put a spoonful on a saucer and stuck it in the freezer for a couple of mins. - Jam is ready when this test (I had to do several) kind of wrinkles when you gently press it forward with your little finger.
Remembered (was reminded by sister) that Great Nan used to put tiny bit of butter on the top of the jam in the pan which sent all the scummy froth over to the sides where you can easily skim it off. Decided Great Nan would have used a drop of olive oil for this if she had had any - so did. It worked - the jam cleared.
By now I suppose it had been boiling for about 10 or 15 mins. Decided it was done. Ladled it into my warm jam jars and sealed it. - Also remembered to wipe off the sticky drips while they were still warm.
And that, ladies and gents, was that. Now who wants some!
The One Where She Makes MoooooSarka ka ka
Well, I actually did. Make Moussaka. And, furthermore I did it OUT OF MY HEAD - that is too say I didnt use a book not that I was, well.... you get the gist. Gather round, here's what I did....
I cooked up some chopped onions and garlic in olive oil - added some (loads) of soya veggie mince - half a tube of tommy paste and weigh (sic) too much mixed herbs (TOP TIP - Herr Sainsbury has value pot of mixed herbs retailing at just 17 new pence! - lack of care meant that I tipped half of the pot in this mince but hey its all good. The value herb mix is mostly oregano and thyme I think but it is perfect for this.)
Meanwhile...... (at the Bat Cave) I sliced up an aubergine, another red onion some mushrooms and a big potato (made the potato slices very thin cos I wasnt sure how long I was going to cook this for...)
I fried the aubergine and the onion and mushrooms a little bit and then made a white sauce (melted butter, stir in someflour, cook it a bit, gradually add some milk and keep stirring until you have something like a sauce - add salt and white pep. grated cheese.... - TOP TIP - stop the sauce getting a skin over the top by dribbling a bit of milk round the edge
I then layered up everything in a deep cassorole dish (mine was an oval enamel roaster with lid) I started with the mince, then layered the aubergines etc finishing with the thinly sliced potatoes - then poured over the cheese sauce (oh nearly forgot at the last minute I cracked an egg into the sauce and stirred it in - hoping to make it go more moussakerey - it did)
If I had have got any I would have sprinkled the top of the sauce with paprika - could only find chilli powder though.
Put the lid on and put into hot oven - took the dog out for about an hour - it was perfect when I came back -
we had it with tomato black olive and basil salad. Yum Yum Yum
I cooked up some chopped onions and garlic in olive oil - added some (loads) of soya veggie mince - half a tube of tommy paste and weigh (sic) too much mixed herbs (TOP TIP - Herr Sainsbury has value pot of mixed herbs retailing at just 17 new pence! - lack of care meant that I tipped half of the pot in this mince but hey its all good. The value herb mix is mostly oregano and thyme I think but it is perfect for this.)
Meanwhile...... (at the Bat Cave) I sliced up an aubergine, another red onion some mushrooms and a big potato (made the potato slices very thin cos I wasnt sure how long I was going to cook this for...)
I fried the aubergine and the onion and mushrooms a little bit and then made a white sauce (melted butter, stir in someflour, cook it a bit, gradually add some milk and keep stirring until you have something like a sauce - add salt and white pep. grated cheese.... - TOP TIP - stop the sauce getting a skin over the top by dribbling a bit of milk round the edge
I then layered up everything in a deep cassorole dish (mine was an oval enamel roaster with lid) I started with the mince, then layered the aubergines etc finishing with the thinly sliced potatoes - then poured over the cheese sauce (oh nearly forgot at the last minute I cracked an egg into the sauce and stirred it in - hoping to make it go more moussakerey - it did)
If I had have got any I would have sprinkled the top of the sauce with paprika - could only find chilli powder though.
Put the lid on and put into hot oven - took the dog out for about an hour - it was perfect when I came back -
we had it with tomato black olive and basil salad. Yum Yum Yum
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Dogs and Cats....
Just in case anyone has any insights - Cats I know, cats I really know - you could not tell me anything I dont know about cats so don't even bother....
Dogs though! What are they all about? What is that "Stand-By" mode they go into when not "doing anything".???? I mean, when a Cat is "not doing anything" - it is still doing something - possibly sleeping or occassionally sitting or standing around with "style". There is only a remote possibility that it will not have"style" and those are the rare moments when it forgets to stick its sandpaper tongue back in after washing.....
Dogs though! When they are not doing anything they just. stand. there. Youngest spawn call it "Stab Victim Mode" - ie., the theatrical stab victim when the victim just stops for what seems like an age before clasping the wound and falling. Dogs can keep this up for ages. I find it disconcerting.... What do they want????
Dogs though! What are they all about? What is that "Stand-By" mode they go into when not "doing anything".???? I mean, when a Cat is "not doing anything" - it is still doing something - possibly sleeping or occassionally sitting or standing around with "style". There is only a remote possibility that it will not have"style" and those are the rare moments when it forgets to stick its sandpaper tongue back in after washing.....
Dogs though! When they are not doing anything they just. stand. there. Youngest spawn call it "Stab Victim Mode" - ie., the theatrical stab victim when the victim just stops for what seems like an age before clasping the wound and falling. Dogs can keep this up for ages. I find it disconcerting.... What do they want????
In Which She Actually Makes Some Food...
Like anyone would care but I have actually managed to produce something of vague edibility. Was from "A Book" but hey, we have all given up any pretence now right?
Aubergine "Caviar"
Prick an aubergine and stick in microwave for about 5 mins. cool. chop. add to a tin of toms and some crushed garlic (salt and pep) Cook down on hob for a bit until it goes slushy. cool. (Well, I didnt I just....) Blitz. Chill.
How easy is that - looks horrible but tastes lovely. Fill tacos, etc. have with salad. Yum.
There you go. Not a lentil in sight. May have to lie down in a darkened room for a bit now. xx
Aubergine "Caviar"
Prick an aubergine and stick in microwave for about 5 mins. cool. chop. add to a tin of toms and some crushed garlic (salt and pep) Cook down on hob for a bit until it goes slushy. cool. (Well, I didnt I just....) Blitz. Chill.
How easy is that - looks horrible but tastes lovely. Fill tacos, etc. have with salad. Yum.
There you go. Not a lentil in sight. May have to lie down in a darkened room for a bit now. xx
Saturday, 7 August 2010
The Young Uns Decide to Have a Barbeque on The Beach....
So, the eldest ( and, according to the youngest two, the clear "favorite" - I deny this heinous accusation having been disappointed by all of them equally!) duly arrives at Stupido'clock mid-week - I am alerted to his arrival by 'The Dog' who sets up an unstoppable yelping and woof - fest at the first hint of the garden gate beng broached (this is probably due to his elephantine memory of being "electrocuted on his first walk with the E.S. on the electrified fence in the sheep field). I digress, anyway - The Young 'Uns arrive and eventually settle down into their nest of sleeping bags, duvets, stray animals and road kill that I like to think of as "hospitality". The Wedding "Gig" played, done dusted and surprisingly good (watch this space ye of little faith) they decided to go to The Beach for a BBQ - Eldest Spawn texted me (I know, I know, I am so very moderne!) to ask "How to make Veggie Burgers" - I thought he was going to cook them at home (with the - small - luxury of frying pans and olive oils etc. - so I went on about breadcrumbs and chopped mushrooms and garlic and - oh god, you get the picture. ...... Turns out he was trying to do this on Mablethorpe Beach with one of those stupido £2.00 - lasts for 30 mins bbq sets. (and accomodate carnivores on one side of the "grill" at the same time.....
Suffice to say, when all came back to The Ranch, they were not only pissed but starving as well. He said: But I saw on your blog that you took your own veggie burgers to a BBQ - (sigh). Listen son, I took Quorn Burgers out the freezer - it is so hard to live up to expectations isnt it. Not only am I a scummy fraud but I get hoisted by my own petard to boot. Ho Hum. (that is my tum,). xx
Suffice to say, when all came back to The Ranch, they were not only pissed but starving as well. He said: But I saw on your blog that you took your own veggie burgers to a BBQ - (sigh). Listen son, I took Quorn Burgers out the freezer - it is so hard to live up to expectations isnt it. Not only am I a scummy fraud but I get hoisted by my own petard to boot. Ho Hum. (that is my tum,). xx
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Pun in the Oven
By the time I have made the area relatively safe and hygenic (think NHS standards only) I am so exhausted and fed up it is as much as I can do to unwrap a frozen Pizza. Now, Eldest Spawn is arriving at Stupid O'Clock on Wednesday Morning 3.am to be not only precise but, I have just realised, referencing a Simon and Garfunkel album of the late 60's which pleases me somewhat.... Too hot for sentences; I already use more correct punctuation marks than most people so I believe I can be excused this offering.
Where (indeed Why? ) was I? Oh yes, Eldest Spawn who is now a Veggie (having also read the dreaded and drattted book (Eating Animals op cit) has just informed me that there will be several of "them" arriving and while practising for their "Wedding Gig" will need regular offering of sustenance. I will therefore now have to re-visit Belleau Kitchen in order to rip off some of my "original" recipes.... There had better be some easy peasy ones. Although I now own some Balsamic Vinegar and Fresh Basil so I feel so chic and "can do" about tearing leaves and drizzling stuff - I am soon going to get myself one of those massive "Black Pepper Phallus's" that you pose cheffily with by twisting a million miles above your 'creation' in a dramatic finale.
Oh, well, better get on with it then.....
Monday, 19 July 2010
Not only but also...
When I first decided to play "Duelling Blog Offs" with Dom at Belleau Kitchen - it was just supposed to be a quick cheap laugh - He blogs his wonderful culinary creations, photographed beautifully and presented with all the professional care and expertise that he so lightly wears .... I was just going to "Blog My Tea" and stick a photo up of the absolute brown lentil porridge that I forcefeed my family. However, obviously being totally crap at everything - I couldnt even get that together or work out how to take a photo of said culinary mess and post it. I did think that the "Reluctant Vegetarian" was quite a good name though - At least I had that but now...... Now I belatedly realise that there are millions of Reluctant Vegetarian sites and all are (obviously) more thought provoking and interesting than mine.
I shall therefore be down the end of the garden eating faux-meat worms while I think of another more original name for my crap blog. Pip pip....
I shall therefore be down the end of the garden eating faux-meat worms while I think of another more original name for my crap blog. Pip pip....
Friday, 2 July 2010
....in which she cements her right to "Crap Mum" title....
Well, I never said I wasnt a crap mum. Seriously I do try to lurch from one mission to another in a regular and orderly fashion but I find it nigh on impossible to keep stuff in my head for very long these days... What am I going to be like in the future -" I Grow Old I grow Old, Shall I wear my trousers rolled?"....
Okay, so I didnt make it to Youngest spawn's School Induction Day Parents Show round - so, he was "stood waiting in the corner on his own like the crap kid on the bench...." So - what can I do - if I have any more stupid calenders and notes and things pinned hopefully on the dashboard or the fridge to remind me then I would not be able to move. Doh! Though. This one is going to take some seriously suck up to get over.... Got to go, I have to iron my Hair Shirt - and eat some more mum guilt baked crow...
Okay, so I didnt make it to Youngest spawn's School Induction Day Parents Show round - so, he was "stood waiting in the corner on his own like the crap kid on the bench...." So - what can I do - if I have any more stupid calenders and notes and things pinned hopefully on the dashboard or the fridge to remind me then I would not be able to move. Doh! Though. This one is going to take some seriously suck up to get over.... Got to go, I have to iron my Hair Shirt - and eat some more mum guilt baked crow...
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
trying - at last - to work out how to get pictures on here...
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
on being on hold....
....... while I would love to think that I could get on with other things while being on hold on the phone - truth is I can't - maybe those who have walkabout phones or speaker phones etc may be able to live it up a little while waiting in "the hold void" but not me. Actually now I have been told that the phone company will "phone me back" - it only took about half and hour for them to understand that they could not phone me back on that particular line since it was faulty which was why I was ringing..... (sigh) So, now am out of the hold and into the hanging around waiting in case (pigs might etc...) they ring me back as promised before I succumb to frustration and ring them back and get put on hold -----oh god help us I believe I may have to lie down in a darkened room just in order to get through the next nail-biting episode.
Monday, 14 June 2010
...in which she goes to a barbie queue..
....and takes her own bean burgers to griddle. Not that I mind at all, and it just goes to show that Veggies can be rehabilitated into community events - they don't have to be locked away in special areas where they are out of danger to themselves or others. I was welcomed to the Town Football Club (Juniors) Barbie Queue and made to feel very comfortable. I am starting to not mind being the Token Veggie in Office (so to speak) and I think it is a triumph for Care in the Community that I am given freedom to wander amongst normal carnivorous folk without fear of attack or reprisal.
The spawn played 5-a-side football matches in 'civil war' style, against their own teams and the families watched and chatted on the sidelines.... all was well, until it came time for Dads Vs Lads Match - now since himself indoors had, as predicted, managed a 'no show' (due to his continued pursuance of the Road Less Travelled, whereby he systematically shuns all social and human contact in order to further his spiritual development ) I, rather rashly, as it - obviously - turns out, decided to step up to the plate and play in his absence. Laughing off the Coaches suggestion that I play on the sidelines, I instead took the position of "midfielder". I ran about gamely for a while and attempted to get the ball from various determined (and non-puffed out) 11 and 12 year olds who inexplicably and rather unfairly I decided kept kicking the ball to the side wherever I approached - it was all going swimmingly until suddenly the ball did come my way and and and..... I bent down and picked it up. After the obligatory stunned silence the cry of "Hand Ball" went up followed by "Penalty" - Sheepishly I wandered down to my new position out of danger to the opposing goal. It was then decided in a further twist of the knife that it should be my child that took the penalty (and therefore miss). I spotted my own father in the crowd with his head in his hands....
Still, and all, it was a good day and should be filed under "Days Out with Spawn where they had less than 10 Reasons to be Mortified by Their Mother". As Oldest Spawn would no doubt remark, that makes it a rare and memorable day.
The spawn played 5-a-side football matches in 'civil war' style, against their own teams and the families watched and chatted on the sidelines.... all was well, until it came time for Dads Vs Lads Match - now since himself indoors had, as predicted, managed a 'no show' (due to his continued pursuance of the Road Less Travelled, whereby he systematically shuns all social and human contact in order to further his spiritual development ) I, rather rashly, as it - obviously - turns out, decided to step up to the plate and play in his absence. Laughing off the Coaches suggestion that I play on the sidelines, I instead took the position of "midfielder". I ran about gamely for a while and attempted to get the ball from various determined (and non-puffed out) 11 and 12 year olds who inexplicably and rather unfairly I decided kept kicking the ball to the side wherever I approached - it was all going swimmingly until suddenly the ball did come my way and and and..... I bent down and picked it up. After the obligatory stunned silence the cry of "Hand Ball" went up followed by "Penalty" - Sheepishly I wandered down to my new position out of danger to the opposing goal. It was then decided in a further twist of the knife that it should be my child that took the penalty (and therefore miss). I spotted my own father in the crowd with his head in his hands....
Still, and all, it was a good day and should be filed under "Days Out with Spawn where they had less than 10 Reasons to be Mortified by Their Mother". As Oldest Spawn would no doubt remark, that makes it a rare and memorable day.
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
BOred or BorING....
It has been pointed out to me that I am obviously understimulated and bored (if not drilled) since I waste literally moments of my time typing on this thing (Yes, I am a trained Typist - see Pilot Episode of My Life - therefore moments is what it takes.)
Now, how should I respond to these scurrilous accusations and slurs upon my character? It should be noted by now, by even the most casual of observers, that the charge levelled against me is not only a dirty truth but an out and out given! It should also be noted that, while I am not the brightest of bears and infact have been afflicted with the total inability to "think" anything whatsoever, I have also been given the "gift" of a constant stream of words that come into my brain and out through my fingertips while not passing Go and not Collecting the £200. Therefore - Praps, "Not My Fault".
So - A Note On Boring:
The thing is..... I dont often get "Bored" - my pea like brain is genetically incapable of holding on to any thought for long enough for me to even register it - let alone get bored with it. *
* Note: except in the case of "Nuggets" - which are random thoughts that get stuck in the filter system and keep me awake at nights. The "Nuggets" however are usually and eventually filed in the bulging folder marked "Things I Said or/and Did Whilst 'Not of Sound Mind'/Emotionally and Alcoholoically Overwrought"
- It usually takes about 35 years for these "Nuggets of Guilt and Mortification" (to give them their official title - though collectively I think of them as "The Nameless Dread" - to be fully pushed to the back of the mental (sic) wardrobe - they do however have a nasty habit of bunching together like crappy charity shop coat hangers so that if one "nugget" falls out the rest follow a millisecond later in a chaotic and overwhelming heap.
So, where was I? Yes, Boredom - in the main is not something I generally experience - however, having it pointed out to me that I may indeed be "bored" is something else. It makes me feel inadequate somehow, as though I should be doing something else - that is obvious to everyone else but not to me. "Get a Life" ? What, (TF) does that actually mean? Should my "Life" be any less valid than anyone elses? Well, actually, probably yes, I am sure that Mother Teresa's Life was a lot more valid than mine now you come to mention it.... but, in the general run of things, like, you know, she's not the one telling me to "Get a Life".
Now, having nearly got that little crop off my field I am flouncing off now to do some real work. I may be gone some time.....
Now, how should I respond to these scurrilous accusations and slurs upon my character? It should be noted by now, by even the most casual of observers, that the charge levelled against me is not only a dirty truth but an out and out given! It should also be noted that, while I am not the brightest of bears and infact have been afflicted with the total inability to "think" anything whatsoever, I have also been given the "gift" of a constant stream of words that come into my brain and out through my fingertips while not passing Go and not Collecting the £200. Therefore - Praps, "Not My Fault".
So - A Note On Boring:
The thing is..... I dont often get "Bored" - my pea like brain is genetically incapable of holding on to any thought for long enough for me to even register it - let alone get bored with it. *
* Note: except in the case of "Nuggets" - which are random thoughts that get stuck in the filter system and keep me awake at nights. The "Nuggets" however are usually and eventually filed in the bulging folder marked "Things I Said or/and Did Whilst 'Not of Sound Mind'/Emotionally and Alcoholoically Overwrought"
- It usually takes about 35 years for these "Nuggets of Guilt and Mortification" (to give them their official title - though collectively I think of them as "The Nameless Dread" - to be fully pushed to the back of the mental (sic) wardrobe - they do however have a nasty habit of bunching together like crappy charity shop coat hangers so that if one "nugget" falls out the rest follow a millisecond later in a chaotic and overwhelming heap.
So, where was I? Yes, Boredom - in the main is not something I generally experience - however, having it pointed out to me that I may indeed be "bored" is something else. It makes me feel inadequate somehow, as though I should be doing something else - that is obvious to everyone else but not to me. "Get a Life" ? What, (TF) does that actually mean? Should my "Life" be any less valid than anyone elses? Well, actually, probably yes, I am sure that Mother Teresa's Life was a lot more valid than mine now you come to mention it.... but, in the general run of things, like, you know, she's not the one telling me to "Get a Life".
Now, having nearly got that little crop off my field I am flouncing off now to do some real work. I may be gone some time.....
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
On Being Part of a Village Community....
First of all let me say that I know I chose this life - I mean I didnt choose to be born or anything but I mean, This Life , Here, in this small rural village in the middle of The Shires. With no prospect of Gandalf limping up my garden path to lure me to pastures new here I am and here I will remain. However......
I am becoming slightly concerned about my being sucked relentlessly into the prevailing mists of village ethos. I am more concerned that I am actually in an episode of Vicar of Dibley - I seem to have managed quite well, in a way, so far but now - as the spawn get older and need more "outside interests" I am getting further and further mired in various social groupings that I am ill equipped and ill prepared for. Not only this but I seem to have become the holder of the Key (think My Precious) to The Village Hall.
This may not seem very onerous to those of you who are used to zipping around towns and cities, answering phone calls, thrusting emails at each other, tearing open "post" with your urban and urbane teeth (having dentists that care for said teeth) but...... Seriously, The Key is calling to me, it is making me think unholy thoughts, thoughts that dare not speak their name... like, "hmmm perhaps we could organise a nature ramble for the village when it's a nice day" , like, "oh, Village Rounders on The Green - that would be cool", like "perhaps I should get a Village Pick Up Litter afternoon going, followed by Bingo and sausage and mash in The Hall!"
Clearly, I need help. The Key is sly. The Key is subtle. The Key is Precious. The Key thinks "Bake and Share Recipes" is just a matter of time........
Send help. Before it is too late.
I am becoming slightly concerned about my being sucked relentlessly into the prevailing mists of village ethos. I am more concerned that I am actually in an episode of Vicar of Dibley - I seem to have managed quite well, in a way, so far but now - as the spawn get older and need more "outside interests" I am getting further and further mired in various social groupings that I am ill equipped and ill prepared for. Not only this but I seem to have become the holder of the Key (think My Precious) to The Village Hall.
This may not seem very onerous to those of you who are used to zipping around towns and cities, answering phone calls, thrusting emails at each other, tearing open "post" with your urban and urbane teeth (having dentists that care for said teeth) but...... Seriously, The Key is calling to me, it is making me think unholy thoughts, thoughts that dare not speak their name... like, "hmmm perhaps we could organise a nature ramble for the village when it's a nice day" , like, "oh, Village Rounders on The Green - that would be cool", like "perhaps I should get a Village Pick Up Litter afternoon going, followed by Bingo and sausage and mash in The Hall!"
Clearly, I need help. The Key is sly. The Key is subtle. The Key is Precious. The Key thinks "Bake and Share Recipes" is just a matter of time........
Send help. Before it is too late.
Monday, 7 June 2010
Dysfunctional? No Dys is....
Yes, yes, yes, I know, I know, I know..... look, I never said I was going to type out masses of perfectly tried and tested recipes. I have included my almost entire repetoire earlier on (the three recipes laboriously typed out in the beginning of this Blog).... but, this makes me laugh...
Spawn No. 1 just made his bi-annual attempt to communicate with his doting mother via the mobile telecommunications device. I was, in the spirit of "keeping him up to date" in the process of telling him how his younger sibling had, following a huge 'cloggsy' type noise in the bathroom, come limping into my bedroom where I was sitting with Sibling No. (more after this). Clutching his foot in obvious agony Spawn 2 yelped and hopped around the room. "What have you done?" - asked the concerned mother, glancing up from her attempt at the crossword .. "I can't tell you, it's too stupid, but it involved the bathroom scales...."
Now, gentle reader, at this point in my relaying this snippet of family life to the absent University Student on the other end of the mobile phone - said son interrupted to say "well, it's obvious what Harry had done, he was obviously attempting to weigh his own head!"
Well, obviously this is true, and obviously, in the real story that is what I (playing the part of Concerned Mother) said to Harry at the time. But, and but again......
How did we know?
There then followed a deep discussion about the best weigh to way your head (sic) which obviously, "because everybody's done it" is NOT to attempt to use the vegetable scales at the supermarket unless you have an accomplice - because , obviously, you cant read the weight unless you take your head off the scales!
Thats all. simple really.
Spawn No. 1 just made his bi-annual attempt to communicate with his doting mother via the mobile telecommunications device. I was, in the spirit of "keeping him up to date" in the process of telling him how his younger sibling had, following a huge 'cloggsy' type noise in the bathroom, come limping into my bedroom where I was sitting with Sibling No. (more after this). Clutching his foot in obvious agony Spawn 2 yelped and hopped around the room. "What have you done?" - asked the concerned mother, glancing up from her attempt at the crossword .. "I can't tell you, it's too stupid, but it involved the bathroom scales...."
Now, gentle reader, at this point in my relaying this snippet of family life to the absent University Student on the other end of the mobile phone - said son interrupted to say "well, it's obvious what Harry had done, he was obviously attempting to weigh his own head!"
Well, obviously this is true, and obviously, in the real story that is what I (playing the part of Concerned Mother) said to Harry at the time. But, and but again......
How did we know?
There then followed a deep discussion about the best weigh to way your head (sic) which obviously, "because everybody's done it" is NOT to attempt to use the vegetable scales at the supermarket unless you have an accomplice - because , obviously, you cant read the weight unless you take your head off the scales!
Thats all. simple really.
I'm Not Complaining but.....
this is ridiculous, himself did "the shopping" for the third week in a row. (take that last word every way you can- except obviously he didnt row a boat to the shops...) this time, gentle reader, I was asked to decant the "shopping" from the boot of the car. (sigh) This I duly did and then set about the Hunca Munca type task of putting the groceries away. Except. There Were No Groceries.
This is the weekly shop.
Item No. 1. A whole bag of bits from Halford, a bicycle set, chain oil, a new bell, and various other bits that obviously have something to do with bikes.
Items No. 2 and 3 - Two (large) bags of dried crunchy cat food kibble. (note: cat has barely enough teeth left to eat and has lately taken to sucking rabbits to death.)
Item No. 4 - 6 tins of Tripey flavour Dog Meat.
Item No. 5 - Large bag of onions
Item No. 6 - Large Bag of Carrots.
(For comedy's sake I could also include the (item no. 7) which would have been the large pack of tablets for a Dishwasher - Note: We do not have a dishwasher.) This however, would be cheating because this item was actually in the shopping a little while ago....but, again, does anyone spot a theme.....
This is the weekly shop.
Item No. 1. A whole bag of bits from Halford, a bicycle set, chain oil, a new bell, and various other bits that obviously have something to do with bikes.
Items No. 2 and 3 - Two (large) bags of dried crunchy cat food kibble. (note: cat has barely enough teeth left to eat and has lately taken to sucking rabbits to death.)
Item No. 4 - 6 tins of Tripey flavour Dog Meat.
Item No. 5 - Large bag of onions
Item No. 6 - Large Bag of Carrots.
(For comedy's sake I could also include the (item no. 7) which would have been the large pack of tablets for a Dishwasher - Note: We do not have a dishwasher.) This however, would be cheating because this item was actually in the shopping a little while ago....but, again, does anyone spot a theme.....
In which she realises how pathetic she is....
Presumably that should also go under the heading of being slightly disillusioned but - (see above, I rest my case) . The thing is, well one small thing is - I was trying to change the font type and the size of the font and I just realised with a blinding smack how bloody pathetic I am for not being able to do it. Why oh why am I such absolute PANTS at everything?????
If I met someone like me I would have to slay them - not only for their own good but because I would not be able to be in their presence for long enough not to.
And yet, and yet...... on the other hand, for in my case there are always two to hand, I know what it's like to be me and must be reasonably comfortable in my uncomfortableness... since I am still me. and me is still like this. I indulge I indulge... Shall I wear my trousers rolled?
A SIDE ISSUE OF VEGGISM (rantette)
I am genuinely amazed, if not a tad pissed off about, the number of "caring" adults who seem to queue up to, and believe me I have thought for literally moments about the next turn of phrase, "have a go" at my children for their decision not to eat animals.
Is it just me or does anyone else think that this is more than slightly "out of order"?
I found out yesterday that the youngest (aged 11) had been told by the Scout Master that she "hated vegetarians" and that kit was going to "have to eat meat at some time" in his life so he might as well "have a sausage"...... um....?????? I must confess to being somewhat at a loss as to what to make of this.
Another recent accostation (is that a word?) was with the same child who was in a car with an adult friend of mine but without me (it is, by the way, interesting that all these friendly fire exchanges take place without me present?!?) - On this occasion kit came in from school somewhat upset and possibly bemused but hey, I have only known him 11 years - I cant be expected to pick the bones out of every single nuance of his emotional states, saying that he had been told that he would "become ill" if he didnt eat meat. The adult in this case then rang me up to "apologise in advance" for "getting angry with kit". I asked if my son had been cheeky or rude or in any way provoked this angry diatribe....? No, said adult was just "angry that he was not eating meat."
I honestly dont know what to say in this type of situation.
I have thought and thought about the whole thing and ....... I still don't know how to react. Answers on a post card please.
If I met someone like me I would have to slay them - not only for their own good but because I would not be able to be in their presence for long enough not to.
And yet, and yet...... on the other hand, for in my case there are always two to hand, I know what it's like to be me and must be reasonably comfortable in my uncomfortableness... since I am still me. and me is still like this. I indulge I indulge... Shall I wear my trousers rolled?
A SIDE ISSUE OF VEGGISM (rantette)
I am genuinely amazed, if not a tad pissed off about, the number of "caring" adults who seem to queue up to, and believe me I have thought for literally moments about the next turn of phrase, "have a go" at my children for their decision not to eat animals.
Is it just me or does anyone else think that this is more than slightly "out of order"?
I found out yesterday that the youngest (aged 11) had been told by the Scout Master that she "hated vegetarians" and that kit was going to "have to eat meat at some time" in his life so he might as well "have a sausage"...... um....?????? I must confess to being somewhat at a loss as to what to make of this.
Another recent accostation (is that a word?) was with the same child who was in a car with an adult friend of mine but without me (it is, by the way, interesting that all these friendly fire exchanges take place without me present?!?) - On this occasion kit came in from school somewhat upset and possibly bemused but hey, I have only known him 11 years - I cant be expected to pick the bones out of every single nuance of his emotional states, saying that he had been told that he would "become ill" if he didnt eat meat. The adult in this case then rang me up to "apologise in advance" for "getting angry with kit". I asked if my son had been cheeky or rude or in any way provoked this angry diatribe....? No, said adult was just "angry that he was not eating meat."
I honestly dont know what to say in this type of situation.
I have thought and thought about the whole thing and ....... I still don't know how to react. Answers on a post card please.
...In which she becomes slightly disillusioned.....
Well, not so much disillusioned as tired and worn out really. The vegetarian thing is okay - in the sense that I have no desire really to eat animals at the moment - well, ever, really. The vegan thing that him indoors has tried to bludgeon us with has only served to make me tired and fed up ( not as a result of turning Vegan - which I categorically am not) but tired in the sense of trying to research the whole vegan issue, specifically from the point of view of kids being vegan and what risks there may be.
It is understandable of course, one is never going to get a definitive answer to most of the questions in life that really matter when you have to make a decision. Should I have surgery to try and relieve my chronic back problem? should we get kids vaccinated in the MMR jab? would I prefer to be a fish with a human head or a human with a fish head? - you see, the problems are endless and debatable and there are no real answers.
Some things you just do instinctively and know that while they may not be "right" they feel right - helping kids with homework when it is so late and they are so freaked out by the fact that they have not done it in time etc. that you know they will fret and not sleep and therefore make the coming day far worse. No brainer, get the bloody stuff sorted so they have something to hand in. You can always go over things like responsibilities, consequences, learning the hard way etc - at another, less stressy time. Why have arguments with people (grown up or growing up) who are stressed, tired and not thinking straight. Might as well argue with a drunk or a Jeohovah's Witness. (obviously done both, many times.... but you get the gist.)
Why am I blethering on in this boring and going nowhere vein? Of course it is because I am tired and have low energy levels and therefore shouldnt even be writing this at all - but, it just goes to show (what?) ... well, that sometimes even when you have low energy you still need to blether things out - I have always found that it is better to get stuff out than keep it in. In general. (Unless the stuff is a cat on firework night) (but there again have you tried to keep a cat in on firework night when it is determined to go out?) Speaking of cats, which obviously I frequently do - one has just jumped straight onto this lap top. What DO they want from me???
Oh well, I think, on immature reflection that it might be better to have a quick rest and garner what is left of my strength for half and hour before the next lurch into school run, cricket practice, tea making, washing up, blah blah that IS my life if only I could try and accept it gracefully. Be Seeing You.
It is understandable of course, one is never going to get a definitive answer to most of the questions in life that really matter when you have to make a decision. Should I have surgery to try and relieve my chronic back problem? should we get kids vaccinated in the MMR jab? would I prefer to be a fish with a human head or a human with a fish head? - you see, the problems are endless and debatable and there are no real answers.
Some things you just do instinctively and know that while they may not be "right" they feel right - helping kids with homework when it is so late and they are so freaked out by the fact that they have not done it in time etc. that you know they will fret and not sleep and therefore make the coming day far worse. No brainer, get the bloody stuff sorted so they have something to hand in. You can always go over things like responsibilities, consequences, learning the hard way etc - at another, less stressy time. Why have arguments with people (grown up or growing up) who are stressed, tired and not thinking straight. Might as well argue with a drunk or a Jeohovah's Witness. (obviously done both, many times.... but you get the gist.)
Why am I blethering on in this boring and going nowhere vein? Of course it is because I am tired and have low energy levels and therefore shouldnt even be writing this at all - but, it just goes to show (what?) ... well, that sometimes even when you have low energy you still need to blether things out - I have always found that it is better to get stuff out than keep it in. In general. (Unless the stuff is a cat on firework night) (but there again have you tried to keep a cat in on firework night when it is determined to go out?) Speaking of cats, which obviously I frequently do - one has just jumped straight onto this lap top. What DO they want from me???
Oh well, I think, on immature reflection that it might be better to have a quick rest and garner what is left of my strength for half and hour before the next lurch into school run, cricket practice, tea making, washing up, blah blah that IS my life if only I could try and accept it gracefully. Be Seeing You.
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
Rant.
I probably dont deserve a Rant but seeing as how I am here and I have written the "Rant" word I am going to jump straight in.
However, I cant jump straight in because my head is so FULL of RANTS that I am at a complete loss to where to begin... just as I think I need to rant about one thing another pops up and demands its cyber space. The fascist, sexist racist gits that seem to be ALL OVER facebook at the moment (for example) - there. I have jumped in (not waving now but drowning). What is it all about and why are they targeting the kids? Well, obviously we know why but pur-lease. Is it not obvious to everyone that some gitty UKIP or BNP twits have hi-jacked the airwaves and are attempting to make people foam at the mouth with Pavlovian Drooling "get em" responses? The Polish have demanded that "we" remove the English flag from our pubs/shops/houses/skips etc because it "offends" "Them"...... Oh really,? Which "Pole" actually "demanded this? Show him/or her to me. Let me speak a while with them. Are "they" the same "Poles" to whom everyone on Facebook is demanding they "take their 'turbans' off. Which turban-wearing Bhurka touting job-stealing- benefit scrounging Pole is it?
sc
However, I cant jump straight in because my head is so FULL of RANTS that I am at a complete loss to where to begin... just as I think I need to rant about one thing another pops up and demands its cyber space. The fascist, sexist racist gits that seem to be ALL OVER facebook at the moment (for example) - there. I have jumped in (not waving now but drowning). What is it all about and why are they targeting the kids? Well, obviously we know why but pur-lease. Is it not obvious to everyone that some gitty UKIP or BNP twits have hi-jacked the airwaves and are attempting to make people foam at the mouth with Pavlovian Drooling "get em" responses? The Polish have demanded that "we" remove the English flag from our pubs/shops/houses/skips etc because it "offends" "Them"...... Oh really,? Which "Pole" actually "demanded this? Show him/or her to me. Let me speak a while with them. Are "they" the same "Poles" to whom everyone on Facebook is demanding they "take their 'turbans' off. Which turban-wearing Bhurka touting job-stealing- benefit scrounging Pole is it?
sc
Who did I think I was kidding...
I dont know the first thing about blogging!!! It takes me ages just to get into my own blog spot. And now that I am here I have NOTHING TO SAY. I also didnt mean to shout that - I am just so rubbish at this that I never notice I keep hitting the CAPS button instead of the shift key. Now I do know why this is actually, but again, tis very boring and has to do witht he fact that in a former life I was actually trained as a shorthand typist on a real typewriter. These flat keyboards are pants if you are a trained typist because a) you get repetitive strain in your wrists being as how they are being forced to go at an unergonomic angle (!) (sorry did I make that word up?) and b) they were obviously designed by blokes who always type (however fast it may be) with two fingers. Oh and c) I type too fast for my keyboard to keep up with me so by the time the words come up on the screen I am racing paragraphs ahead and cant be bothered to go back and "tippex" things right.
Phew, I am glad I cleared al that up (dont get me started on phone texting rant .... I may never get out of here)
Another rubbish thing is that the cat keeps walking on the keyboard. Also the dog keeps rushing off and barking at anything that dares to go past our house.
The whole point is ..... I remember now what I was going to rant about! I thought at least I had a halfway decent title for my Blog! Until i went on Google and realised that every other blog is called The reluctant vegetarian" Bollocks to it. I am going to come up with a better or at least a less ubiquitious name. x
Phew, I am glad I cleared al that up (dont get me started on phone texting rant .... I may never get out of here)
Another rubbish thing is that the cat keeps walking on the keyboard. Also the dog keeps rushing off and barking at anything that dares to go past our house.
The whole point is ..... I remember now what I was going to rant about! I thought at least I had a halfway decent title for my Blog! Until i went on Google and realised that every other blog is called The reluctant vegetarian" Bollocks to it. I am going to come up with a better or at least a less ubiquitious name. x
Monday, 17 May 2010
ho hum is that my tum
Why oh why am I always hungry at the wrong times? However, I do know the answer to that and it is obviously Eat Breakfast Silly Moo.
So, I have now fed the cats about 100 times each (approximate). I have not fed the Dog though since he doesnt Meow and therefore how am I to know when or if he wants that absolutely disgusting chub tripe stuff. I am not going to force it on him (heaven forbid someone would do that to me!) Not that the Dog seems to mind about all that stuff though - yesterday I saw him eating what was left of the Red Cat's Kill. There were only two small bunny ears left - looking even smaller without the bunny head.
Thats another thing about the Cat - how can he be so sniffy about the stuff I give him (he looks at it as though I have just put a turd in his bowl before staring at me in the most contemptuous way possible - and believe me, if I know cats like I know Cats that is a very wide spectrum of possible contemptuous faces) and then and THEN - go and eat some two week old CARCASS - probably not even one of his own kills - possibly something that just gave up and died of being too hideous to carry on. Bloody things.
What else is new? Him indoors decided - under the new I am now a Vegan regime that he would do the shopping this weekend AND prepare the tea. After several hours doing both tasks I was finally (weak with lack of nourishment) summoned from my sulking and cleaning the upstairs of Hotel Despairo to Come and Have the Tea.... I was summoned three times in under a minute; so urgent was the elaborately prepared Feast - was the Mushroom Souffle sinking as I took my arthritic time wringing my hands in dust mites and clambouring like the black lady from Tom and Jerry who you only ever see the legs of, down the ricketty staircase.....
To be confronted with himself and both spawn sitting at the table tucking into The Feast. Now, I know that I sound ungrateful. Some people just dont know they are born (most of us actually, unless you have regression therapy). But.
It was a SALAD.
It wasn't even a salad with lots of interesting things in it - well it had rocket and peppers and tomatoes and cut up mushrooms. And, well that's about it really. Oh, and a slice of brown bread.
"Do you like it?" "What do you think?" Spawn: "This is the best meal I have had all year!" Second Spawn: "I think it is the best meal I have EVER had" "It's brilliant" "Can we have this all the time?" "Yum Yum"
It was a SALAD!!!!!
And, there was not very much of it either.
So., that was tea. I had to fill out a form in triplicate - one for each of the Alien beings that have stolen my family from me. I had to speak lyrically and at LENgTH about Just How Much I enjoyed It. (a salad)
I spent the rest of the evening starving and muttering to myself. I am going down the garden to eat worms.
P.S. A Salad!
So, I have now fed the cats about 100 times each (approximate). I have not fed the Dog though since he doesnt Meow and therefore how am I to know when or if he wants that absolutely disgusting chub tripe stuff. I am not going to force it on him (heaven forbid someone would do that to me!) Not that the Dog seems to mind about all that stuff though - yesterday I saw him eating what was left of the Red Cat's Kill. There were only two small bunny ears left - looking even smaller without the bunny head.
Thats another thing about the Cat - how can he be so sniffy about the stuff I give him (he looks at it as though I have just put a turd in his bowl before staring at me in the most contemptuous way possible - and believe me, if I know cats like I know Cats that is a very wide spectrum of possible contemptuous faces) and then and THEN - go and eat some two week old CARCASS - probably not even one of his own kills - possibly something that just gave up and died of being too hideous to carry on. Bloody things.
What else is new? Him indoors decided - under the new I am now a Vegan regime that he would do the shopping this weekend AND prepare the tea. After several hours doing both tasks I was finally (weak with lack of nourishment) summoned from my sulking and cleaning the upstairs of Hotel Despairo to Come and Have the Tea.... I was summoned three times in under a minute; so urgent was the elaborately prepared Feast - was the Mushroom Souffle sinking as I took my arthritic time wringing my hands in dust mites and clambouring like the black lady from Tom and Jerry who you only ever see the legs of, down the ricketty staircase.....
To be confronted with himself and both spawn sitting at the table tucking into The Feast. Now, I know that I sound ungrateful. Some people just dont know they are born (most of us actually, unless you have regression therapy). But.
It was a SALAD.
It wasn't even a salad with lots of interesting things in it - well it had rocket and peppers and tomatoes and cut up mushrooms. And, well that's about it really. Oh, and a slice of brown bread.
"Do you like it?" "What do you think?" Spawn: "This is the best meal I have had all year!" Second Spawn: "I think it is the best meal I have EVER had" "It's brilliant" "Can we have this all the time?" "Yum Yum"
It was a SALAD!!!!!
And, there was not very much of it either.
So., that was tea. I had to fill out a form in triplicate - one for each of the Alien beings that have stolen my family from me. I had to speak lyrically and at LENgTH about Just How Much I enjoyed It. (a salad)
I spent the rest of the evening starving and muttering to myself. I am going down the garden to eat worms.
P.S. A Salad!
Thursday, 13 May 2010
Growing Children need Meat....
No. They dont.
It is perfectly possible to eat fantastic food, most of which is cheap and easy and simple to cook and have a completely healthy, well-balanced and compassionate diet - without eating animals. Carbohydrates, vegetables and a small amount of high protein, cooked or dressed in a small amount of "good" oil. No worries.
It is perfectly possible to eat fantastic food, most of which is cheap and easy and simple to cook and have a completely healthy, well-balanced and compassionate diet - without eating animals. Carbohydrates, vegetables and a small amount of high protein, cooked or dressed in a small amount of "good" oil. No worries.
It's Not Meat - Just a Bit of Bacon For Flavour!
I swear I have never actually said this. Lots of people have said it to me though. What can I say? Just dont! It is not only not necessary but who are you trying to get one over? A little bit of "meat juice" in the veggie gravy? No. Leave it alone. They wont die from lack of flavour! I suppose it does depend on who you are cooking for and possibly their personal reasons for adopting a meat free diet? I'm struggling a bit with this but I do actually know "vegetarians" who, for example, "dont count" fish and chicken....
Hmmm. I will have to leave that train (or should it be 'strain') of thought for a moment.
Hmmm. I will have to leave that train (or should it be 'strain') of thought for a moment.
On Not Eating Animals....
I feel I may have to say a few words on this subject - but where to start? I have always veered towards the not eating things with a face - however I have cleverly and hypocritically ignored my inner voice for years. Having found myself eating less and less meat because my partner and gradually all three children decided against it - I suppose it was self preservation, I got fed up with making separate meals for everyone.
Then there was The Book - "Eating Animals by Jonathon Safran Foer and suddenly there is no way back for me. I am not going to get evangelical about it but - read the book if you want and make your own way. Let's just say for me, personally, I don't want any part of it. Anymore. (at the moment.!)
However, Joy! I have found that becoming Vegetarian has had bonus and knock on effects that I am really pleased with. Not least the fact that my digestive system seems to be working properly for the first time in years! (Enough of that!)
I have to be honest here and say once I fully embraced the fact that I was not going to eat animals I really did have to do something about the meals that we (now I) were eating as a family. It's not that I miss Meat per se, but I find that a lot of veggie dishes lack flavour and texture. This was probably because I was only doing the easy recipes and repeating them all the time. I would never put myself forward as a great cook - not even as a mediocre one if truth be told.
I do however, love food and love eating. So, it's a journey then.... are you sitting comfortably? Lets begin.
Then there was The Book - "Eating Animals by Jonathon Safran Foer and suddenly there is no way back for me. I am not going to get evangelical about it but - read the book if you want and make your own way. Let's just say for me, personally, I don't want any part of it. Anymore. (at the moment.!)
However, Joy! I have found that becoming Vegetarian has had bonus and knock on effects that I am really pleased with. Not least the fact that my digestive system seems to be working properly for the first time in years! (Enough of that!)
I have to be honest here and say once I fully embraced the fact that I was not going to eat animals I really did have to do something about the meals that we (now I) were eating as a family. It's not that I miss Meat per se, but I find that a lot of veggie dishes lack flavour and texture. This was probably because I was only doing the easy recipes and repeating them all the time. I would never put myself forward as a great cook - not even as a mediocre one if truth be told.
I do however, love food and love eating. So, it's a journey then.... are you sitting comfortably? Lets begin.
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Tagine
We were given this fantastic (and well easy) dish recently at a PTA fund raiser - Yay! Something I can copy and that everyone likes.
Basically, just cut up (MAKE THE BITS BIG!!) Peppers, (all colours - makes it like jewellery) Onions, Mushrooms, Sweet potatoes and or carrots, smashed up garlic , couple of tablespoons ( I guessed all this but I liked it) of cumin and some coriander powder, tin of tomatoes (or any real ones you want to use up) and some tomato paste mix eeverything with some oil (I used olive and rice bran) and stuck the whole thing in a big lasagne dish in the Rayburn (which, amazingly was actually showing "bake" at some time before 3am!) - It was ready in about 40 mins and we had it with a jacket potato. Yum bloody yum.
Basically, just cut up (MAKE THE BITS BIG!!) Peppers, (all colours - makes it like jewellery) Onions, Mushrooms, Sweet potatoes and or carrots, smashed up garlic , couple of tablespoons ( I guessed all this but I liked it) of cumin and some coriander powder, tin of tomatoes (or any real ones you want to use up) and some tomato paste mix eeverything with some oil (I used olive and rice bran) and stuck the whole thing in a big lasagne dish in the Rayburn (which, amazingly was actually showing "bake" at some time before 3am!) - It was ready in about 40 mins and we had it with a jacket potato. Yum bloody yum.
Lentil Roast
Olive Oil
350g split red lentils
25g margarine
4 tbs lemon juice
4 tbs tamari
4 tbs cumin powder.
Stuffing:
2 big onions
at least 4 cloves of garlic
100g mushrooms
100g wholewheat breadcrumbs (either put some oldish bread in the blender or grate it on a cheese grater)
1 tsp dried sage
small bunch fresh parsley (chopped up fine)
1. Turn on oven (Gas 6) (200 c) Make rayburn hot hot hot
2. Wash the lentils and get all that scum off that makes you fart
3. Bring lentils to the boil in 1/2 pint of water (can add stock cube if you want)
4. Simmer gently until the lentils are soft.
3. Mix up cumin, margarine lemon juice and tamari into the lentils and season with black pepper and salt.
4. Chop up and fry the onions, garlic and mushrooms in a bit of olive oil (or if you believe that frying in Olive Oil gives you cancer - use a different oil, if in Lincolnshire use rape seed oil and keep it local)
5. Fry until the onions are soft and turn off heat. Add the breadcrumbs, sage and parsley, season with salt and pepper.
6. Grease a loaf tin (1 or 2 lb) and put lentils, then stuffing and then more lentils into the tin.
7. Dot the top with margarine and bake in the oven for about an hour until golden brown.
We have this with roast potatoes, apple sauce and gravy and lots of green veg (esp. purple spouting broccalli which is green!)
(This recipe was originally adapted from Liz Cook).
P.S In my opinion the apple sauce absolutely is a must to serve with this, and it is a great Christmas Dinner Roast.
350g split red lentils
25g margarine
4 tbs lemon juice
4 tbs tamari
4 tbs cumin powder.
Stuffing:
2 big onions
at least 4 cloves of garlic
100g mushrooms
100g wholewheat breadcrumbs (either put some oldish bread in the blender or grate it on a cheese grater)
1 tsp dried sage
small bunch fresh parsley (chopped up fine)
1. Turn on oven (Gas 6) (200 c) Make rayburn hot hot hot
2. Wash the lentils and get all that scum off that makes you fart
3. Bring lentils to the boil in 1/2 pint of water (can add stock cube if you want)
4. Simmer gently until the lentils are soft.
3. Mix up cumin, margarine lemon juice and tamari into the lentils and season with black pepper and salt.
4. Chop up and fry the onions, garlic and mushrooms in a bit of olive oil (or if you believe that frying in Olive Oil gives you cancer - use a different oil, if in Lincolnshire use rape seed oil and keep it local)
5. Fry until the onions are soft and turn off heat. Add the breadcrumbs, sage and parsley, season with salt and pepper.
6. Grease a loaf tin (1 or 2 lb) and put lentils, then stuffing and then more lentils into the tin.
7. Dot the top with margarine and bake in the oven for about an hour until golden brown.
We have this with roast potatoes, apple sauce and gravy and lots of green veg (esp. purple spouting broccalli which is green!)
(This recipe was originally adapted from Liz Cook).
P.S In my opinion the apple sauce absolutely is a must to serve with this, and it is a great Christmas Dinner Roast.
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
Mexican Hot Potato Soup
Okay, this is one vaguely remembered from my sister showing me her vaguely remembered version - it should be called Chinese Whispers Soup ...
Cut up and fry some onions in vegetable oil
Add some smashed up garlic
Add some cut up peeled potatoes - smallish (not tiny though)
add a veggie stock cube some dried chilli flakes and a little bit of water (say, enough to cover the potatoes and a bit)
boil all this gently till the potatoes are cooked.
Add some sweet corn ( I used a couple of cups of frozen but I suppose there's nothing wrong with using canned.)
Keep back some of the soup separately (say half)
Blitz the remainder, add some salt and black pepper.
Add a can of drained and washed Red Kidney Beans and the soup that you saved and didnt blitz.
Cut up as much coriander leaves as you like and sprinkle on top.
We had this warm and filling soup with crusty bread. Yum.
Cut up and fry some onions in vegetable oil
Add some smashed up garlic
Add some cut up peeled potatoes - smallish (not tiny though)
add a veggie stock cube some dried chilli flakes and a little bit of water (say, enough to cover the potatoes and a bit)
boil all this gently till the potatoes are cooked.
Add some sweet corn ( I used a couple of cups of frozen but I suppose there's nothing wrong with using canned.)
Keep back some of the soup separately (say half)
Blitz the remainder, add some salt and black pepper.
Add a can of drained and washed Red Kidney Beans and the soup that you saved and didnt blitz.
Cut up as much coriander leaves as you like and sprinkle on top.
We had this warm and filling soup with crusty bread. Yum.
Monday, 10 May 2010
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This is my very first attempt at a Blog - I have yet to find out how to do this and also how to post pictures but hopefully I will be able to figure it out.
This is my very first attempt at a Blog - I have yet to find out how to do this and also how to post pictures but hopefully I will be able to figure it out.
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