So, we were returning from the latest "Clap-Fest" at the School where we had been entertained delightfully by some of the pupils..... Youngest spawn is in the back of the VegMobile reading through the "Programme" from the evenings entertainment:
.
"God, " he sighs, what a horrible name this boy has, "Kevin Bowles"... (He pronounced it "Bowels".)
"Spell it" I demanded. "You probably pronounce it "Bowls".
"No, says the Middle Spawn, "his sister is in my class, it is pronounced "Bowels" ".
"What's his sister called?"
"Lucy"
"Oh, yeah, Luce Bowels! I know her..."
You couldnt make this stuff up....
Monday 18 July 2011
Monday 11 July 2011
A Note on Hover Flies...
At this time of the year my shabby chic of a kitchen becomes adorned with dark ceiling shadows that on closer inspection prove to be My Favourite Insect - The Hoverfly. In case you dont yet have a "Favourite Insect" I urge you to consider these delightful creatures. They are so tame that they come and sit on your finger and you can en take them outside to the "Recovery Flower" -preferably one near the back door since once you embark on Hoverfly Rescue you could be busy for some time.
If, like me, you are lucky enough to have been ripped off by bogus builders from Sheffield and now have an unsightly carbuncle of a "conservatoy" attached to your home - you could even invest in a Hover Fly Catching Net which provides literally hours of stifling fun.
It has to be said that it is to everyone's advantage to take care of the critters - especially things that fly about and pollinate our veggies. Be Seeing You.
If, like me, you are lucky enough to have been ripped off by bogus builders from Sheffield and now have an unsightly carbuncle of a "conservatoy" attached to your home - you could even invest in a Hover Fly Catching Net which provides literally hours of stifling fun.
It has to be said that it is to everyone's advantage to take care of the critters - especially things that fly about and pollinate our veggies. Be Seeing You.
The Reluctant Teacher....
Yes, I have become a Reluctant "Teacher" - and if you are underwhelmed by that information then you are not alone. I have now got the job of "teaching" Reluctant Learners. I am told that they were reluctant even before realising that it was me that had been charged with their study of numeracy and literacy. I remain unsure about this.
The situation I find myself in has, however, made it nearly impossible for me to continue with my head in the sand. I am now forced to interact with the seedy underbelly that is "excluded teenagers". Oh dear Lord what have I done? I suppose, apart from the inescapable realisation that we need more money coming in to the Reluctant Household, some part of me must have thought vague Miss Jean Brodie type things. How else to explain why I accepted the offer to "work" with these people. I can only hang my head in shame. The only slight mitigation being that I cannot for the life of me imagine anybody actually enjoying this type of work so, in a small sense I could be seen as doing everyone a big favour by taking it on. Actually even a cursory examination of that last sentence shows up the level of my ignorance but still, the facts are there, it is, for the moment at least, me that has been charged with seeing to their basic education for the time being.
At the very least I hope that you will bear with me through these difficult times and allow me to use this Blog as a de-briefing room. I have had many jobs in my time, being aged 158 will often do that for a person. I have had jobs I quite liked, jobs I detested, jobs I have walked out of, and even, very occasionally, jobs I enjoyed. I don't honestly think I have ever had a job that has had me feeling sick and burned out after only an hour. Until now.
If you ever wondered what happens to all those kids that get expelled from school then let me enlighten you as I have now been enlightened. They go to special "holding pens" or "Centres" where kind people attempt to rehabilitate them into some semblance of useful members of society. Except they cannot, for the most part, be rehabilitated. They are the bare forked creatures that mainstream schools cannot cope with. I can see why.
Who was it that said "Give me a Child until he is 7 and I will show you the man" Rousseau perhaps? Cant remember. However, what he definitely didnt say was "Give me a teenager raised on heroin and white lightening cider and a smack in the face for affection and I will show you the man..."
I remain hopeful however that better people than me can attempt to make a difference in this sad and frightening world that I have stumbled into.
The situation I find myself in has, however, made it nearly impossible for me to continue with my head in the sand. I am now forced to interact with the seedy underbelly that is "excluded teenagers". Oh dear Lord what have I done? I suppose, apart from the inescapable realisation that we need more money coming in to the Reluctant Household, some part of me must have thought vague Miss Jean Brodie type things. How else to explain why I accepted the offer to "work" with these people. I can only hang my head in shame. The only slight mitigation being that I cannot for the life of me imagine anybody actually enjoying this type of work so, in a small sense I could be seen as doing everyone a big favour by taking it on. Actually even a cursory examination of that last sentence shows up the level of my ignorance but still, the facts are there, it is, for the moment at least, me that has been charged with seeing to their basic education for the time being.
At the very least I hope that you will bear with me through these difficult times and allow me to use this Blog as a de-briefing room. I have had many jobs in my time, being aged 158 will often do that for a person. I have had jobs I quite liked, jobs I detested, jobs I have walked out of, and even, very occasionally, jobs I enjoyed. I don't honestly think I have ever had a job that has had me feeling sick and burned out after only an hour. Until now.
If you ever wondered what happens to all those kids that get expelled from school then let me enlighten you as I have now been enlightened. They go to special "holding pens" or "Centres" where kind people attempt to rehabilitate them into some semblance of useful members of society. Except they cannot, for the most part, be rehabilitated. They are the bare forked creatures that mainstream schools cannot cope with. I can see why.
Who was it that said "Give me a Child until he is 7 and I will show you the man" Rousseau perhaps? Cant remember. However, what he definitely didnt say was "Give me a teenager raised on heroin and white lightening cider and a smack in the face for affection and I will show you the man..."
I remain hopeful however that better people than me can attempt to make a difference in this sad and frightening world that I have stumbled into.
Monday 4 July 2011
The Beat Goes On.....
My conscience is not only clear but almost entirely blank therefore I have finally decided to cease and desist with my hitherto lifelong habit of carrying around a bunch of specially made cards in the top pocket of my waistcoat. These "Sorry" cards have done their work, I am now finished with handing them out after every social faux pas and gaffe - and anyway everybody has surely had one by now!
Yes, it's true I have decided to embrace my social gauche-ness and just get on with my life hereto (without spending 50% of my time apologising for my ineptitude).
Ha. Having got that off my (metaphorical) chest I can look forward to all sorts of doors opening up (and then slamming closed) in my life. I await the flood of social opportunities with serenity and acceptance.
Yes, it's true I have decided to embrace my social gauche-ness and just get on with my life hereto (without spending 50% of my time apologising for my ineptitude).
Ha. Having got that off my (metaphorical) chest I can look forward to all sorts of doors opening up (and then slamming closed) in my life. I await the flood of social opportunities with serenity and acceptance.
In Which She Stands Shyly at the New Post.....
The thing is, well, here is the thing, it's not as if I ever have anything of import to impart so if we take that as a given then I will not disappoint my Reader.
There are various things that are free-ranging around the inadequately fenced off space that passes (just) as my mind. One is, I have to say, Crows.
CROWS: There are many things about Crows that I find of interest. They are, as is relatively well known, extremely intelligent. Yes, the Crow is up there with Chimps and Dolphins with regard to brain size ratio - they are uber adaptable - again, up there with the Rat and the Cockroach.
They bear Grudges. There have been tests by people in California that prove that not only do Crows recognise individual humans - they pass on knowledge down the family and generational line regarding individual humans.
The more I find out about this member of the corvine species the more I like them. Which is why.......
when my youngest spawn came back distraught after running an errand for a friend's mother with the following tale, I was, let's just say, somewhat depressed...
The two boys were shown a cage by the farmer which contained two crows. The farmer undid the cage and picked out one of the crows. Stroked it. Gave it a drink of water..... and then he looked at the two lads and said "I hope you boys aren't squeamish". He then dashed the creature's brains out on a nearby rock. The crow took several whacks before it died by which time blood was "everwhere" and the crow left watching the whole thing from the cage was "frantic".
What am I supposed to do with this information? I know all about the relationship that farmers have with the Crow - I know crows eat the free range eggs that they find - I know that they eat the corn that the farmer grows... historically I understand that this pisses off the farmers. ..... but still and all - even given all that.... why did the guy wait until two young lads were there before he did this? I have to say I have thought as long and hard as I can about the whole incident and can offer no explanation other than thats "the way they do it here". However, I wish he had waited for the kids to go back down the drive... I am not even going to enter into the debate about the act of culling in the first place, other than to wonder if there would not be a less horrendous way to cull?
What was the purpose of doing this in front of the crow's mate? Was he trying to "send a message"?
The whole thing illustrates the uneasy relationship that I have with the "countryside". They say "When in Rome do as the Romans Do....." well, what if the Romans are doing shit stuff? How far does one compromise one's own sense of values and self integrity? I recall some psychological experiment that was conducted in the 60's (I think) where some actors took people off the street, or from university and posing as scientists instructed the students to administer electric shocks to a person (an actor unbeknown to the student) who was strapped to an electric chair..... almost all of the students did actually administer "lethal" shocks to the chair when instructed to do so by a figure of authority.
It seems to me extremely important that each and every one of us holds onto our basic humanity. Just because you are told to do something it doesnt make it right. Just because that is what everybody else does doesnt make it right either.
I think it is very tricky trying to steer a path through morality and individual codes of values. It is very hard to know how to impart the "right" values to one's children. It is hard to even know, sometimes, which are the "right" values.... however, I believe that we must keep trying. Preaching tolerance is good up to a point but where is that point and what do you do when you reach it......?
There. I told you I had nothing of any import to impart. What do you want? A bloody recipe for crow pie?
There are various things that are free-ranging around the inadequately fenced off space that passes (just) as my mind. One is, I have to say, Crows.
CROWS: There are many things about Crows that I find of interest. They are, as is relatively well known, extremely intelligent. Yes, the Crow is up there with Chimps and Dolphins with regard to brain size ratio - they are uber adaptable - again, up there with the Rat and the Cockroach.
They bear Grudges. There have been tests by people in California that prove that not only do Crows recognise individual humans - they pass on knowledge down the family and generational line regarding individual humans.
The more I find out about this member of the corvine species the more I like them. Which is why.......
when my youngest spawn came back distraught after running an errand for a friend's mother with the following tale, I was, let's just say, somewhat depressed...
The two boys were shown a cage by the farmer which contained two crows. The farmer undid the cage and picked out one of the crows. Stroked it. Gave it a drink of water..... and then he looked at the two lads and said "I hope you boys aren't squeamish". He then dashed the creature's brains out on a nearby rock. The crow took several whacks before it died by which time blood was "everwhere" and the crow left watching the whole thing from the cage was "frantic".
What am I supposed to do with this information? I know all about the relationship that farmers have with the Crow - I know crows eat the free range eggs that they find - I know that they eat the corn that the farmer grows... historically I understand that this pisses off the farmers. ..... but still and all - even given all that.... why did the guy wait until two young lads were there before he did this? I have to say I have thought as long and hard as I can about the whole incident and can offer no explanation other than thats "the way they do it here". However, I wish he had waited for the kids to go back down the drive... I am not even going to enter into the debate about the act of culling in the first place, other than to wonder if there would not be a less horrendous way to cull?
What was the purpose of doing this in front of the crow's mate? Was he trying to "send a message"?
The whole thing illustrates the uneasy relationship that I have with the "countryside". They say "When in Rome do as the Romans Do....." well, what if the Romans are doing shit stuff? How far does one compromise one's own sense of values and self integrity? I recall some psychological experiment that was conducted in the 60's (I think) where some actors took people off the street, or from university and posing as scientists instructed the students to administer electric shocks to a person (an actor unbeknown to the student) who was strapped to an electric chair..... almost all of the students did actually administer "lethal" shocks to the chair when instructed to do so by a figure of authority.
It seems to me extremely important that each and every one of us holds onto our basic humanity. Just because you are told to do something it doesnt make it right. Just because that is what everybody else does doesnt make it right either.
I think it is very tricky trying to steer a path through morality and individual codes of values. It is very hard to know how to impart the "right" values to one's children. It is hard to even know, sometimes, which are the "right" values.... however, I believe that we must keep trying. Preaching tolerance is good up to a point but where is that point and what do you do when you reach it......?
There. I told you I had nothing of any import to impart. What do you want? A bloody recipe for crow pie?
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