Wednesday 23 June 2010
Wednesday 16 June 2010
trying - at last - to work out how to get pictures on here...
Tuesday 15 June 2010
on being on hold....
....... while I would love to think that I could get on with other things while being on hold on the phone - truth is I can't - maybe those who have walkabout phones or speaker phones etc may be able to live it up a little while waiting in "the hold void" but not me. Actually now I have been told that the phone company will "phone me back" - it only took about half and hour for them to understand that they could not phone me back on that particular line since it was faulty which was why I was ringing..... (sigh) So, now am out of the hold and into the hanging around waiting in case (pigs might etc...) they ring me back as promised before I succumb to frustration and ring them back and get put on hold -----oh god help us I believe I may have to lie down in a darkened room just in order to get through the next nail-biting episode.
Monday 14 June 2010
...in which she goes to a barbie queue..
....and takes her own bean burgers to griddle. Not that I mind at all, and it just goes to show that Veggies can be rehabilitated into community events - they don't have to be locked away in special areas where they are out of danger to themselves or others. I was welcomed to the Town Football Club (Juniors) Barbie Queue and made to feel very comfortable. I am starting to not mind being the Token Veggie in Office (so to speak) and I think it is a triumph for Care in the Community that I am given freedom to wander amongst normal carnivorous folk without fear of attack or reprisal.
The spawn played 5-a-side football matches in 'civil war' style, against their own teams and the families watched and chatted on the sidelines.... all was well, until it came time for Dads Vs Lads Match - now since himself indoors had, as predicted, managed a 'no show' (due to his continued pursuance of the Road Less Travelled, whereby he systematically shuns all social and human contact in order to further his spiritual development ) I, rather rashly, as it - obviously - turns out, decided to step up to the plate and play in his absence. Laughing off the Coaches suggestion that I play on the sidelines, I instead took the position of "midfielder". I ran about gamely for a while and attempted to get the ball from various determined (and non-puffed out) 11 and 12 year olds who inexplicably and rather unfairly I decided kept kicking the ball to the side wherever I approached - it was all going swimmingly until suddenly the ball did come my way and and and..... I bent down and picked it up. After the obligatory stunned silence the cry of "Hand Ball" went up followed by "Penalty" - Sheepishly I wandered down to my new position out of danger to the opposing goal. It was then decided in a further twist of the knife that it should be my child that took the penalty (and therefore miss). I spotted my own father in the crowd with his head in his hands....
Still, and all, it was a good day and should be filed under "Days Out with Spawn where they had less than 10 Reasons to be Mortified by Their Mother". As Oldest Spawn would no doubt remark, that makes it a rare and memorable day.
The spawn played 5-a-side football matches in 'civil war' style, against their own teams and the families watched and chatted on the sidelines.... all was well, until it came time for Dads Vs Lads Match - now since himself indoors had, as predicted, managed a 'no show' (due to his continued pursuance of the Road Less Travelled, whereby he systematically shuns all social and human contact in order to further his spiritual development ) I, rather rashly, as it - obviously - turns out, decided to step up to the plate and play in his absence. Laughing off the Coaches suggestion that I play on the sidelines, I instead took the position of "midfielder". I ran about gamely for a while and attempted to get the ball from various determined (and non-puffed out) 11 and 12 year olds who inexplicably and rather unfairly I decided kept kicking the ball to the side wherever I approached - it was all going swimmingly until suddenly the ball did come my way and and and..... I bent down and picked it up. After the obligatory stunned silence the cry of "Hand Ball" went up followed by "Penalty" - Sheepishly I wandered down to my new position out of danger to the opposing goal. It was then decided in a further twist of the knife that it should be my child that took the penalty (and therefore miss). I spotted my own father in the crowd with his head in his hands....
Still, and all, it was a good day and should be filed under "Days Out with Spawn where they had less than 10 Reasons to be Mortified by Their Mother". As Oldest Spawn would no doubt remark, that makes it a rare and memorable day.
Wednesday 9 June 2010
BOred or BorING....
It has been pointed out to me that I am obviously understimulated and bored (if not drilled) since I waste literally moments of my time typing on this thing (Yes, I am a trained Typist - see Pilot Episode of My Life - therefore moments is what it takes.)
Now, how should I respond to these scurrilous accusations and slurs upon my character? It should be noted by now, by even the most casual of observers, that the charge levelled against me is not only a dirty truth but an out and out given! It should also be noted that, while I am not the brightest of bears and infact have been afflicted with the total inability to "think" anything whatsoever, I have also been given the "gift" of a constant stream of words that come into my brain and out through my fingertips while not passing Go and not Collecting the £200. Therefore - Praps, "Not My Fault".
So - A Note On Boring:
The thing is..... I dont often get "Bored" - my pea like brain is genetically incapable of holding on to any thought for long enough for me to even register it - let alone get bored with it. *
* Note: except in the case of "Nuggets" - which are random thoughts that get stuck in the filter system and keep me awake at nights. The "Nuggets" however are usually and eventually filed in the bulging folder marked "Things I Said or/and Did Whilst 'Not of Sound Mind'/Emotionally and Alcoholoically Overwrought"
- It usually takes about 35 years for these "Nuggets of Guilt and Mortification" (to give them their official title - though collectively I think of them as "The Nameless Dread" - to be fully pushed to the back of the mental (sic) wardrobe - they do however have a nasty habit of bunching together like crappy charity shop coat hangers so that if one "nugget" falls out the rest follow a millisecond later in a chaotic and overwhelming heap.
So, where was I? Yes, Boredom - in the main is not something I generally experience - however, having it pointed out to me that I may indeed be "bored" is something else. It makes me feel inadequate somehow, as though I should be doing something else - that is obvious to everyone else but not to me. "Get a Life" ? What, (TF) does that actually mean? Should my "Life" be any less valid than anyone elses? Well, actually, probably yes, I am sure that Mother Teresa's Life was a lot more valid than mine now you come to mention it.... but, in the general run of things, like, you know, she's not the one telling me to "Get a Life".
Now, having nearly got that little crop off my field I am flouncing off now to do some real work. I may be gone some time.....
Now, how should I respond to these scurrilous accusations and slurs upon my character? It should be noted by now, by even the most casual of observers, that the charge levelled against me is not only a dirty truth but an out and out given! It should also be noted that, while I am not the brightest of bears and infact have been afflicted with the total inability to "think" anything whatsoever, I have also been given the "gift" of a constant stream of words that come into my brain and out through my fingertips while not passing Go and not Collecting the £200. Therefore - Praps, "Not My Fault".
So - A Note On Boring:
The thing is..... I dont often get "Bored" - my pea like brain is genetically incapable of holding on to any thought for long enough for me to even register it - let alone get bored with it. *
* Note: except in the case of "Nuggets" - which are random thoughts that get stuck in the filter system and keep me awake at nights. The "Nuggets" however are usually and eventually filed in the bulging folder marked "Things I Said or/and Did Whilst 'Not of Sound Mind'/Emotionally and Alcoholoically Overwrought"
- It usually takes about 35 years for these "Nuggets of Guilt and Mortification" (to give them their official title - though collectively I think of them as "The Nameless Dread" - to be fully pushed to the back of the mental (sic) wardrobe - they do however have a nasty habit of bunching together like crappy charity shop coat hangers so that if one "nugget" falls out the rest follow a millisecond later in a chaotic and overwhelming heap.
So, where was I? Yes, Boredom - in the main is not something I generally experience - however, having it pointed out to me that I may indeed be "bored" is something else. It makes me feel inadequate somehow, as though I should be doing something else - that is obvious to everyone else but not to me. "Get a Life" ? What, (TF) does that actually mean? Should my "Life" be any less valid than anyone elses? Well, actually, probably yes, I am sure that Mother Teresa's Life was a lot more valid than mine now you come to mention it.... but, in the general run of things, like, you know, she's not the one telling me to "Get a Life".
Now, having nearly got that little crop off my field I am flouncing off now to do some real work. I may be gone some time.....
Tuesday 8 June 2010
On Being Part of a Village Community....
First of all let me say that I know I chose this life - I mean I didnt choose to be born or anything but I mean, This Life , Here, in this small rural village in the middle of The Shires. With no prospect of Gandalf limping up my garden path to lure me to pastures new here I am and here I will remain. However......
I am becoming slightly concerned about my being sucked relentlessly into the prevailing mists of village ethos. I am more concerned that I am actually in an episode of Vicar of Dibley - I seem to have managed quite well, in a way, so far but now - as the spawn get older and need more "outside interests" I am getting further and further mired in various social groupings that I am ill equipped and ill prepared for. Not only this but I seem to have become the holder of the Key (think My Precious) to The Village Hall.
This may not seem very onerous to those of you who are used to zipping around towns and cities, answering phone calls, thrusting emails at each other, tearing open "post" with your urban and urbane teeth (having dentists that care for said teeth) but...... Seriously, The Key is calling to me, it is making me think unholy thoughts, thoughts that dare not speak their name... like, "hmmm perhaps we could organise a nature ramble for the village when it's a nice day" , like, "oh, Village Rounders on The Green - that would be cool", like "perhaps I should get a Village Pick Up Litter afternoon going, followed by Bingo and sausage and mash in The Hall!"
Clearly, I need help. The Key is sly. The Key is subtle. The Key is Precious. The Key thinks "Bake and Share Recipes" is just a matter of time........
Send help. Before it is too late.
I am becoming slightly concerned about my being sucked relentlessly into the prevailing mists of village ethos. I am more concerned that I am actually in an episode of Vicar of Dibley - I seem to have managed quite well, in a way, so far but now - as the spawn get older and need more "outside interests" I am getting further and further mired in various social groupings that I am ill equipped and ill prepared for. Not only this but I seem to have become the holder of the Key (think My Precious) to The Village Hall.
This may not seem very onerous to those of you who are used to zipping around towns and cities, answering phone calls, thrusting emails at each other, tearing open "post" with your urban and urbane teeth (having dentists that care for said teeth) but...... Seriously, The Key is calling to me, it is making me think unholy thoughts, thoughts that dare not speak their name... like, "hmmm perhaps we could organise a nature ramble for the village when it's a nice day" , like, "oh, Village Rounders on The Green - that would be cool", like "perhaps I should get a Village Pick Up Litter afternoon going, followed by Bingo and sausage and mash in The Hall!"
Clearly, I need help. The Key is sly. The Key is subtle. The Key is Precious. The Key thinks "Bake and Share Recipes" is just a matter of time........
Send help. Before it is too late.
Monday 7 June 2010
Dysfunctional? No Dys is....
Yes, yes, yes, I know, I know, I know..... look, I never said I was going to type out masses of perfectly tried and tested recipes. I have included my almost entire repetoire earlier on (the three recipes laboriously typed out in the beginning of this Blog).... but, this makes me laugh...
Spawn No. 1 just made his bi-annual attempt to communicate with his doting mother via the mobile telecommunications device. I was, in the spirit of "keeping him up to date" in the process of telling him how his younger sibling had, following a huge 'cloggsy' type noise in the bathroom, come limping into my bedroom where I was sitting with Sibling No. (more after this). Clutching his foot in obvious agony Spawn 2 yelped and hopped around the room. "What have you done?" - asked the concerned mother, glancing up from her attempt at the crossword .. "I can't tell you, it's too stupid, but it involved the bathroom scales...."
Now, gentle reader, at this point in my relaying this snippet of family life to the absent University Student on the other end of the mobile phone - said son interrupted to say "well, it's obvious what Harry had done, he was obviously attempting to weigh his own head!"
Well, obviously this is true, and obviously, in the real story that is what I (playing the part of Concerned Mother) said to Harry at the time. But, and but again......
How did we know?
There then followed a deep discussion about the best weigh to way your head (sic) which obviously, "because everybody's done it" is NOT to attempt to use the vegetable scales at the supermarket unless you have an accomplice - because , obviously, you cant read the weight unless you take your head off the scales!
Thats all. simple really.
Spawn No. 1 just made his bi-annual attempt to communicate with his doting mother via the mobile telecommunications device. I was, in the spirit of "keeping him up to date" in the process of telling him how his younger sibling had, following a huge 'cloggsy' type noise in the bathroom, come limping into my bedroom where I was sitting with Sibling No. (more after this). Clutching his foot in obvious agony Spawn 2 yelped and hopped around the room. "What have you done?" - asked the concerned mother, glancing up from her attempt at the crossword .. "I can't tell you, it's too stupid, but it involved the bathroom scales...."
Now, gentle reader, at this point in my relaying this snippet of family life to the absent University Student on the other end of the mobile phone - said son interrupted to say "well, it's obvious what Harry had done, he was obviously attempting to weigh his own head!"
Well, obviously this is true, and obviously, in the real story that is what I (playing the part of Concerned Mother) said to Harry at the time. But, and but again......
How did we know?
There then followed a deep discussion about the best weigh to way your head (sic) which obviously, "because everybody's done it" is NOT to attempt to use the vegetable scales at the supermarket unless you have an accomplice - because , obviously, you cant read the weight unless you take your head off the scales!
Thats all. simple really.
I'm Not Complaining but.....
this is ridiculous, himself did "the shopping" for the third week in a row. (take that last word every way you can- except obviously he didnt row a boat to the shops...) this time, gentle reader, I was asked to decant the "shopping" from the boot of the car. (sigh) This I duly did and then set about the Hunca Munca type task of putting the groceries away. Except. There Were No Groceries.
This is the weekly shop.
Item No. 1. A whole bag of bits from Halford, a bicycle set, chain oil, a new bell, and various other bits that obviously have something to do with bikes.
Items No. 2 and 3 - Two (large) bags of dried crunchy cat food kibble. (note: cat has barely enough teeth left to eat and has lately taken to sucking rabbits to death.)
Item No. 4 - 6 tins of Tripey flavour Dog Meat.
Item No. 5 - Large bag of onions
Item No. 6 - Large Bag of Carrots.
(For comedy's sake I could also include the (item no. 7) which would have been the large pack of tablets for a Dishwasher - Note: We do not have a dishwasher.) This however, would be cheating because this item was actually in the shopping a little while ago....but, again, does anyone spot a theme.....
This is the weekly shop.
Item No. 1. A whole bag of bits from Halford, a bicycle set, chain oil, a new bell, and various other bits that obviously have something to do with bikes.
Items No. 2 and 3 - Two (large) bags of dried crunchy cat food kibble. (note: cat has barely enough teeth left to eat and has lately taken to sucking rabbits to death.)
Item No. 4 - 6 tins of Tripey flavour Dog Meat.
Item No. 5 - Large bag of onions
Item No. 6 - Large Bag of Carrots.
(For comedy's sake I could also include the (item no. 7) which would have been the large pack of tablets for a Dishwasher - Note: We do not have a dishwasher.) This however, would be cheating because this item was actually in the shopping a little while ago....but, again, does anyone spot a theme.....
In which she realises how pathetic she is....
Presumably that should also go under the heading of being slightly disillusioned but - (see above, I rest my case) . The thing is, well one small thing is - I was trying to change the font type and the size of the font and I just realised with a blinding smack how bloody pathetic I am for not being able to do it. Why oh why am I such absolute PANTS at everything?????
If I met someone like me I would have to slay them - not only for their own good but because I would not be able to be in their presence for long enough not to.
And yet, and yet...... on the other hand, for in my case there are always two to hand, I know what it's like to be me and must be reasonably comfortable in my uncomfortableness... since I am still me. and me is still like this. I indulge I indulge... Shall I wear my trousers rolled?
A SIDE ISSUE OF VEGGISM (rantette)
I am genuinely amazed, if not a tad pissed off about, the number of "caring" adults who seem to queue up to, and believe me I have thought for literally moments about the next turn of phrase, "have a go" at my children for their decision not to eat animals.
Is it just me or does anyone else think that this is more than slightly "out of order"?
I found out yesterday that the youngest (aged 11) had been told by the Scout Master that she "hated vegetarians" and that kit was going to "have to eat meat at some time" in his life so he might as well "have a sausage"...... um....?????? I must confess to being somewhat at a loss as to what to make of this.
Another recent accostation (is that a word?) was with the same child who was in a car with an adult friend of mine but without me (it is, by the way, interesting that all these friendly fire exchanges take place without me present?!?) - On this occasion kit came in from school somewhat upset and possibly bemused but hey, I have only known him 11 years - I cant be expected to pick the bones out of every single nuance of his emotional states, saying that he had been told that he would "become ill" if he didnt eat meat. The adult in this case then rang me up to "apologise in advance" for "getting angry with kit". I asked if my son had been cheeky or rude or in any way provoked this angry diatribe....? No, said adult was just "angry that he was not eating meat."
I honestly dont know what to say in this type of situation.
I have thought and thought about the whole thing and ....... I still don't know how to react. Answers on a post card please.
If I met someone like me I would have to slay them - not only for their own good but because I would not be able to be in their presence for long enough not to.
And yet, and yet...... on the other hand, for in my case there are always two to hand, I know what it's like to be me and must be reasonably comfortable in my uncomfortableness... since I am still me. and me is still like this. I indulge I indulge... Shall I wear my trousers rolled?
A SIDE ISSUE OF VEGGISM (rantette)
I am genuinely amazed, if not a tad pissed off about, the number of "caring" adults who seem to queue up to, and believe me I have thought for literally moments about the next turn of phrase, "have a go" at my children for their decision not to eat animals.
Is it just me or does anyone else think that this is more than slightly "out of order"?
I found out yesterday that the youngest (aged 11) had been told by the Scout Master that she "hated vegetarians" and that kit was going to "have to eat meat at some time" in his life so he might as well "have a sausage"...... um....?????? I must confess to being somewhat at a loss as to what to make of this.
Another recent accostation (is that a word?) was with the same child who was in a car with an adult friend of mine but without me (it is, by the way, interesting that all these friendly fire exchanges take place without me present?!?) - On this occasion kit came in from school somewhat upset and possibly bemused but hey, I have only known him 11 years - I cant be expected to pick the bones out of every single nuance of his emotional states, saying that he had been told that he would "become ill" if he didnt eat meat. The adult in this case then rang me up to "apologise in advance" for "getting angry with kit". I asked if my son had been cheeky or rude or in any way provoked this angry diatribe....? No, said adult was just "angry that he was not eating meat."
I honestly dont know what to say in this type of situation.
I have thought and thought about the whole thing and ....... I still don't know how to react. Answers on a post card please.
...In which she becomes slightly disillusioned.....
Well, not so much disillusioned as tired and worn out really. The vegetarian thing is okay - in the sense that I have no desire really to eat animals at the moment - well, ever, really. The vegan thing that him indoors has tried to bludgeon us with has only served to make me tired and fed up ( not as a result of turning Vegan - which I categorically am not) but tired in the sense of trying to research the whole vegan issue, specifically from the point of view of kids being vegan and what risks there may be.
It is understandable of course, one is never going to get a definitive answer to most of the questions in life that really matter when you have to make a decision. Should I have surgery to try and relieve my chronic back problem? should we get kids vaccinated in the MMR jab? would I prefer to be a fish with a human head or a human with a fish head? - you see, the problems are endless and debatable and there are no real answers.
Some things you just do instinctively and know that while they may not be "right" they feel right - helping kids with homework when it is so late and they are so freaked out by the fact that they have not done it in time etc. that you know they will fret and not sleep and therefore make the coming day far worse. No brainer, get the bloody stuff sorted so they have something to hand in. You can always go over things like responsibilities, consequences, learning the hard way etc - at another, less stressy time. Why have arguments with people (grown up or growing up) who are stressed, tired and not thinking straight. Might as well argue with a drunk or a Jeohovah's Witness. (obviously done both, many times.... but you get the gist.)
Why am I blethering on in this boring and going nowhere vein? Of course it is because I am tired and have low energy levels and therefore shouldnt even be writing this at all - but, it just goes to show (what?) ... well, that sometimes even when you have low energy you still need to blether things out - I have always found that it is better to get stuff out than keep it in. In general. (Unless the stuff is a cat on firework night) (but there again have you tried to keep a cat in on firework night when it is determined to go out?) Speaking of cats, which obviously I frequently do - one has just jumped straight onto this lap top. What DO they want from me???
Oh well, I think, on immature reflection that it might be better to have a quick rest and garner what is left of my strength for half and hour before the next lurch into school run, cricket practice, tea making, washing up, blah blah that IS my life if only I could try and accept it gracefully. Be Seeing You.
It is understandable of course, one is never going to get a definitive answer to most of the questions in life that really matter when you have to make a decision. Should I have surgery to try and relieve my chronic back problem? should we get kids vaccinated in the MMR jab? would I prefer to be a fish with a human head or a human with a fish head? - you see, the problems are endless and debatable and there are no real answers.
Some things you just do instinctively and know that while they may not be "right" they feel right - helping kids with homework when it is so late and they are so freaked out by the fact that they have not done it in time etc. that you know they will fret and not sleep and therefore make the coming day far worse. No brainer, get the bloody stuff sorted so they have something to hand in. You can always go over things like responsibilities, consequences, learning the hard way etc - at another, less stressy time. Why have arguments with people (grown up or growing up) who are stressed, tired and not thinking straight. Might as well argue with a drunk or a Jeohovah's Witness. (obviously done both, many times.... but you get the gist.)
Why am I blethering on in this boring and going nowhere vein? Of course it is because I am tired and have low energy levels and therefore shouldnt even be writing this at all - but, it just goes to show (what?) ... well, that sometimes even when you have low energy you still need to blether things out - I have always found that it is better to get stuff out than keep it in. In general. (Unless the stuff is a cat on firework night) (but there again have you tried to keep a cat in on firework night when it is determined to go out?) Speaking of cats, which obviously I frequently do - one has just jumped straight onto this lap top. What DO they want from me???
Oh well, I think, on immature reflection that it might be better to have a quick rest and garner what is left of my strength for half and hour before the next lurch into school run, cricket practice, tea making, washing up, blah blah that IS my life if only I could try and accept it gracefully. Be Seeing You.
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