Dogs and Cats....

Just in case anyone has any insights - Cats I know, cats I really know - you could not tell me anything I dont know about cats so don't even bother....

Dogs though!  What are they all about?  What is that "Stand-By" mode they go into when not "doing anything".????  I mean, when a Cat is "not doing anything" - it is still doing something - possibly sleeping or occassionally sitting or standing around with "style".  There is only a remote possibility that it will not have"style" and those are the rare moments when it forgets to stick its sandpaper tongue back in after washing.....

Dogs though!  When they are not doing anything they just. stand. there.  Youngest spawn call it "Stab Victim Mode" - ie., the theatrical stab victim when the victim just stops for what seems like an age before clasping the wound and falling.  Dogs can keep this up for ages.  I find it disconcerting....  What do they want????

In Which She Actually Makes Some Food...

Like anyone would care but I have actually managed to produce something of vague edibility. Was from "A Book" but hey, we have all given up any pretence now right? 

Aubergine "Caviar"

Prick an aubergine and stick in microwave for about 5 mins.  cool.  chop.  add to a tin of toms and some crushed garlic (salt and pep) Cook down on hob for a bit until it goes slushy.  cool. (Well, I didnt I just....) Blitz.  Chill.

How easy is that - looks horrible but tastes lovely.  Fill tacos, etc. have with salad. Yum.


There you go.  Not a lentil in sight.  May have to lie down in a darkened room for a bit now. xx

The Young Uns Decide to Have a Barbeque on The Beach....

So, the eldest ( and, according to the youngest two, the clear "favorite" - I deny this heinous accusation having been disappointed by all of them equally!) duly arrives at Stupido'clock mid-week - I am alerted to his arrival by 'The Dog' who sets up an unstoppable yelping and woof - fest at the first hint of the garden gate beng broached (this is probably due to his elephantine memory of being "electrocuted on his first walk with the E.S. on the electrified fence in the sheep field).  I digress, anyway - The Young 'Uns arrive and eventually settle down into their nest of sleeping bags, duvets, stray animals and road kill that I like to think of as "hospitality".   The Wedding "Gig" played, done dusted and surprisingly good (watch this space ye of little faith) they decided to go to The Beach for a BBQ - Eldest Spawn texted me (I know, I know, I am so very moderne!) to ask "How to make Veggie Burgers" - I thought he was going to cook them at home (with the - small - luxury of frying pans and olive oils etc. - so I went on about breadcrumbs and chopped mushrooms and garlic and - oh god, you get the picture.  ...... Turns out he was trying to do this on Mablethorpe Beach with one of those stupido £2.00 - lasts for 30 mins bbq sets.  (and accomodate carnivores on one side of the "grill" at the same time.....

Suffice to say, when all came back to The Ranch, they were not only pissed but starving as well.  He said:  But I saw on your blog that you took your own veggie burgers to a BBQ - (sigh).  Listen son,  I took Quorn Burgers out the freezer - it is so hard to live up to expectations isnt it.  Not only am I a scummy fraud but I get hoisted by my own petard to boot.  Ho Hum. (that is my tum,).  xx