So, i have changed the font size - otherwise i could not see the screen to type.  Sue me!  (as people that most definitely were not me used to say)   The point is, if there is one, which obviously there isn't, is that I am alone, I am in the position where I am literally waiting for one person to die so that I might have a few more years as a proper living person.  This can't seem to happen anyway, because I can't seem to get over the fact that the person I thought that I was getting old with, the person I had gone through thick and thin with, the father of two of my beloved 3 sons, my rock, my reason for being able to look after my aged parents and feel that someone had my back, someone understood and would be there for me..... would betray me in such a cowardly cliched way.  He did.